


The Good Side

by sundaymournin



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Break Up, Even is emo, Isak's dating someone else, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sexual Tension, So is Isak lbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-07 23:12:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15230076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaymournin/pseuds/sundaymournin
Summary: Isak and Even. Best friends since childhood. Roommates since Isak was seventeen. Platonic life partners, as Isak had explained to his boyfriends. Most of which had walked out at varying points down the line, usually because of Isak’s loyalty to Even.Sonja had, had her moments too. Especially at the beginning of her relationship with Even, where she questioned the two and their closeness. No one ever seemed to understand ‘their deal’, and truthfully, neither did Isak. They were best friends on most days, brothers on weird days, enemies on the worst days. There was no one who could hurt you more than the person who had known you the longest.The only thing Isak had in life was Even and the promise they’d made to each other when they were ten and twelve.ORIsak and Even used to date, broke up, but are still roommates.





	1. may

**Five Years Ago**

 

June 21st, 2017 — 21:20

* * *

 

 

“No, you can’t drink it yet.” Even insisted, slapping Isak’s hand away from the beer for the third time. “One more minute.”

 

Isak groaned. “I’m _legally_ eighteen!”

 

“But you’re not _actually_ eighteen for one. More. Minute.” Even told him, staring intently at his phone. “Be patient.”

 

Sometimes Isak enjoyed Even’s flair for the dramatic. Sometimes it was one of the things in his life that made him happiest; how Even couldn’t manage to do anything halfway. Isak had liked it especially when they were kids. But it was eighteenth birthday and despite having seen him drunk on several occasions, Even was refusing to let him touch his drink until the actual _minute_ of his birth.

 

Stupidly theatrical: The Even Bech Naesheim way.

 

“Okay, **now.”**

 

They picked up their beers, smiling brightly when their glasses clinked together.

 

Even raised his to the ceiling. “To my best friend in the world, the brightest star in the night sky, the jelly to my peanut butter, the — the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The one person in the world I couldn’t live without. The person who manages to look grumpy even when he’s holding ducklings.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

Even’s grin only got wider. “The person who looks adorable even when he’s telling me to fuck off.”

 

“Fuck _off.”_ Isak laughed. “You’re so cheesy.”

 

“I mean it, though.” Even winked before taking a swig of his beer. “Okay. Let’s get _fucked.”_

 

They drank more than either of them ever had that night. They drank and danced until Isak’s face was flushed, until his curls stuck to his forehead, until they were swaying with the crowd. Even’s arms wrapped around Isak’s waist, Isak’s tangled in Even’s hair. They drank until they crossed a line they never had before. Until childhood friendship took a back seat; until their foreheads slid and their lips pressed together.

 

The kiss, as Isak remembered, was drunken and messy. Too wet, too desperate, but perfect because _Even_ was kissing him and Isak couldn’t have gotten a better birthday present. When they pulled apart, they were both giggling. Couldn’t stop touching. Wouldn’t even consider it for a second. Even had pulled Isak home by his wrist that night, pinned him against a door, a desk, a bed.

 

That drunken kiss kept Isak on a high for seven, blissful months.

 

Until it all came crashing down.

* * *

 

 

**Now – May**

 

“I don’t think the professor likes me.” Isak admitted, stabbing at a tomato on his plate. He always felt strange at nice restaurants, like the waiters would judge him for how clumsily he ate. “He read my paper and it’s filled with notes. My last professor never did that to me. He always thought I was brilliant.”

 

“You are brilliant.”

 

Isak huffed, disbelieving. “I thought so.”

 

“You _are.”_

 

“But my professor thinks I’m an idiot.” Isak argued. “And he decides my grades and therefore, my level of brilliance.”

 

“Maybe it was just a bad paper. People have bad days, Issy.”

 

Isak whined, slumping in his seat. “What if everyone was lying to me and I’m not as smart as I thought? What if I’m gonna fail because I’m not good enough. I—“

 

“Baby, how could you say something like that?” Mats leaned across the table and took Isak’s hands in his, a concerned smile on his lips. “You know you’re the smartest guy I’ve ever met.”

 

It was the right thing to say. Mats always said the right thing, always did the right thing. He was the epitome of perfect. Tall, blonde, handsome, and kind. Isak always felt like he was too grumpy to even stand in Mats’ presence. He didn’t feel like he complimented the other man well at all. How could anyone ever measure up?

 

“I dunno.” Isak smiled, weakly.

 

Mats clicked his tongue, disapprovingly. “Where’s all of this insecurity coming from, Boy Genius?”

 

Incoming Call — Evy

 

Isak pulled his phone out of his pocket, freezing when he saw the name. “Oh.”

 

“Answer it.” Mats shrugged, sitting back. “It’s probably important.”

 

“It’s just Even.” Isak rolled his eyes.

 

Mats snorted, not unkindly. “Important, then.”

 

Isak decided not to try to figure out what that meant and answered. “Ev, I can’t talk now. I’m out with —“

 

“Isak, please. I’m sorry. I need you to come home. Please. I really… I need you to come home.”

 

Without realizing it, Isak was on his feet. Even didn’t cry. Even _never_ cried. Not unless something was wrong. The last time he’d cried had been the night everything had gone to shit, when he’d held onto Isak like a lifeline. Even crying did something to Isak’s insides, twisted them and tugged until they lead him to his best friend’s side.

 

“Slow down. What’s wrong? What’s happened?” Isak pulled on his jacket, whispering apologies to Mats and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He could still catch the next tram if he hurried.

 

“Can you come home?”

 

“I’m on my way. I’ll text you.” Isak hung up and looked down at Mats, mouth opening dumbly. “I’m sorry—“

 

Mats shook his head, and fisted a hand in Isak’s shirt to pull him down for a quick kiss on the lips. “Don’t be sorry. Go check on your friend. Let me know if you two need anything, okay?”

 

Isak nodded and rushed out the door, silently asking himself how he’d ended up so lucky.

 

* * *

 

 

“You look nice.”

 

“She dumped you?”

 

“Why are you dressed up?”

 

“Why the fuck— Did she say why?”

 

“Were you on a date? How’s Mats?”

 

_“Even!”_

 

Even was sitting on his bed, dressed in Isak’s sweats and hugging himself. It looked unsettlingly like how Even often looked after a bad episode. Tear stained cheeks, bags under his eyes, shoulders slumped. Isak had to remind himself to stay calm, that everything was fine. Even was okay. Physically, at least. “She said we were moving in different directions.”

 

Isak blinked. “You’ve been together for four years. How is that moving in different directions?”

 

“I guess she was tired of my bullshit too.” Even whispered, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“Hey, come on. None of that.” Isak mumbled softly, stepping into Even’s space and scratching his fingers through his best friend’s hair. He tilted Even’s head up so their eyes met and smiled, encouragingly. “Anyone would be lucky to have you and your bullshit in their life.”

 

That made Even laugh, waterly. He nuzzled into Isak’s palm. “I should’ve moved in when she asked.”

 

“No. You should never do anything that you don’t want to.” Isak argued. “You weren’t ready for that.”

 

Even looked up at him; the tears making his eyes seem more blue than usual. “I’m not ready for this either.”

 

Sometimes Isak liked how his best friend could never manage to do things half-way, not even heartbreak.

 

“Wanna watch Shrek 2?”

 

Even watched the film with his head on Isak’s lap, with Isak’s hand buried in his hair comfortingly. It was their usual position, although Isak was often the one lying down. If he couldn’t eat or sleep or function, they would put on some movie they’d loved as kids and Even would calm him down with his fingers in Isak’s hair. Even only ever lay on him during an episode, or when he was feeling particularly cuddly on a Sunday morning.

 

Isak could barely focus on the film, instead watching his best friend nervously. Even and Sonja had been together for four, long years. They had reached every milestone, and had done it seemingly without trying. While Isak struggled through relationship after relationship, the two of them always seemed to know what to do next. They were perfect together.

 

Unless they weren’t, and there were plenty of times they weren’t.

 

Shrek had just managed to turn himself human when Even finally spoke. “Sonja said I should get a practical job.”

 

Isak frowned. Even was refusing to meet his eyes, instead picking at a loose thread on the couch. “Well, that’s stupid.”

 

Even shrugged. “I’m not really getting anywhere with filmmaking.”

 

“Says who? _Sonja?”_

 

Even bit the inside of his cheek. “She has a point. Maybe it’s time to just call filmmaking what it is; a hobby. I need a career. Adults have careers.”

 

“Bullshit. You love film. Why should she get to decide when you need to give up something you love?” Isak snapped, his hand now fisted in Even’s hair. Even inhaled sharply, lips parting. He let go. “Is this why she dumped you? Because she gave up acting and she wants you to give up too?”

 

“She didn’t give up.” Even argued softly, eyes trained to the screen.

 

Isak huffed out an angry laugh. “She wasn’t getting any jobs, stopped going to auditions. She’s given up and now she wants you to.”

 

“She _doesn’t._ She just wanted us to have a future.” Even sat up, moving to the opposite end of the couch and curling around himself. Isak felt cold. “I should consider it. Maybe we can get back together if—“

 

Isak refused to hear the end of that sentence, instead getting up to take their plates to the kitchen and toss them into the sink.

 

Sonja had always gotten under his skin, but she used to make Even happy. It used to be worth it to have her around, because at least Even would smile and laugh. At least he’d feel loved and wanted. But trying to bring him down just because she was miserable with her life? Isak couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t fair to do that to him. Even doubted himself enough on his own without her adding to that.

 

“It’s not giving up.” Even had come to the kitchen as well, standing in the doorway looking sad and apologetic. “I don’t want to give up on _her.”_

 

Isak turned around, leaning against the sink with his arms crossed over his chest. “If you give up film and get back with her, then you can just move in with her. You can’t live here.”

 

Even’s eyes widened. _“Isak.“_

 

“She dumped you.” He continued angrily. “When someone breaks up with you, you move on. You don’t give up the things that make you happy just so you can get back with them.”

 

“You don’t.” Even echoed, eyebrows raising. “Really. That’s exactly what you did after—“

 

Isak scoffed. “That was different.”

 

“How do I move on, then?” Even interrupted, changing the subject because he knew, just like Isak did, that neither one of them could handle that conversation. Not now, probably not ever.

 

“Are you going to go back to her?” Isak challenged.

 

Even sighed dramatically. “She’s the love of my life.”

 

Isak turned around, deciding to wash their dishes instead of looking at Even. It wasn’t the first time he’d called Sonja that, but it never got easier to hear. Isak always felt a little naked when Even said it. It made his skin crawl. It made his stomach churn. The water burned his hands. “Maybe we should call Mikael and the boys. They’re always good for getting your mind off shit.”

 

Behind him, Even was quiet for a moment. “You’ll come?”

 

Isak willed himself to relax before turning around and forcing a smile. “Of course, I’ll come.”

 

Even let out a sigh and wrapped Isak in a hug, nose buried in his neck. “I’m sorry. I hate upsetting you.” He admitted softly, lips brushing against Isak’s collarbone. “Please, don’t be mad.”

 

“I’m never mad at you.” Isak shivered, hugging Even back tightly. “It’s physically impossible. Just… Give Mikael and them a call and we’ll go out some night this week to make you feel better.”

 

“Don’t you have exams?” Even hummed.

 

“Don’t worry about me.”

 

* * *

 

 

Isak and Even. Best friends since childhood. Roommates since Isak was seventeen. Platonic life partners, as Isak had explained to his boyfriends. Most of which had walked out at varying points down the line, usually because of Isak’s loyalty to Even.

 

Sonja had, had her moments too. Especially at the beginning of her relationship with Even, where she questioned the two and their closeness. No one ever seemed to understand ‘their deal’, and truthfully, neither did Isak. They were best friends on most days, brothers on weird days, enemies on the worst days. There was no one who could hurt you more than the person who had known you the longest.

 

The only thing Isak had in life was Even and the promise they’d made to each other when they were ten and twelve.

 

_I’ll save you right back._

 

* * *

 

 

_‘Cause I can't make you love me if you don’t._

_You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t._

 

Isak was going to break Even’s laptop.

 

Twenty-four hours of non-stop break up songs ranging from Phil Collins to Carly Rae Jepsen had filled their flat and turned into a cemetery for relationships. Isak, to his credit, had survived the twenty-four hours. But he couldn’t take much more.

 

“Even!” He growled, hauling himself out of bed and making his way to the other man’s room. Isak didn’t bother knocking, instead slamming open the door to find his best friend laying on the floor and staring blankly at the ceiling. “Enough!”

 

Even’s gaze slowly shifted to Isak. “What?”

 

Isak walked over to his desk and shut off the music. “I am going to go crazy if you keep playing this shit.”

 

_“Crazy.”_

 

“You know how much I need my sleep — I get that you’re upset but you can’t ruin our schedules like this.” Isak turned to him. “I have to go to work now and I haven’t fucking slept.”

 

“I hate that word.”

 

Isak clenched his jaw. “Are you listening to me?”

 

“‘Don’t be sad.’” Even sighed, eyes closed. “Heard you loud and clear.”

 

“That’s not what I said.” Isak told him. “Just don’t mope. It’s not a good look.”

 

Even sighed. “Okay. Sorry.”

 

Isak hesitated, staring down at his best friend. His chest ached. As annoying as the breakup music was, Isak couldn’t stand to see Even so miserable. Curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow, still wearing Isak’s sweats from the other night. He hadn’t showered in days. Even looked fucking miserable. “Get in bed and I’ll make you some tea before I go. Okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Isak made the tea, careful to do it the exact way Even preferred. It wasn’t fair to be frustrated with Even. It wasn’t fair to be annoyed or upset, no matter how exhausted he was. Even was going through something that was hard and impossible, something Isak could never possibly understand because he’d never been in a relationship that long. He’d never had anyone love him and love him and love him, only to leave him.

 

The one person he’d ever loved was sitting in the other room, needing someone to take care of him.  Isak was being an asshole by not being that person.

 

When he returned to Even’s room, Isak’s shouldered were slumped. He handed Even the tea cup, avoiding eye contact. “I’m sorry.”

 

Even took a sip of the tea. “For what?”

 

“Being an asshole.”

 

Even was staring at him, he knew, but Isak refused to meet his gaze. He was too embarrassed of himself, too ashamed of how he’d behaved. Even reached out and squeezed his wrist. “Isak, it’s okay. I’m sorry for keeping you up.”

 

Isak shook his head. “No, you have every right to be upset. I shouldn’t be… Such a dick.”

 

“You’re not a dick.”

 

Isak didn’t respond; instead, he chewed on the inside of his cheek. He was exhausted. When he didn’t sleep, he was easier to annoy and he was even more quick to jump to self-hatred. It was his body’s reaction to stress. He knew that, logically, somewhere in the back of his mind, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from clawing their way into his mind.

 

He was an asshole. He was useless. He couldn’t help Even the way he deserved.

 

“Isak…” Even sighed, tugging gently on his wrist. “You should sleep.”

 

Isak shook his head stubbornly. “I have to work.”

 

“No.” Even whispered firmly. “Look, I’ll cover your rent.”

 

“I hate it when you do that.”

 

“I’ll cover your rent, because I’m the reason you’ve stayed up and can’t work. It’s only fair.” Even continued, tugging more insistently until Isak followed his lead and climbed into the bed.

 

He was tired, vulnerable, embarrassed. He’d let Even down when he’d needed him and now, once again, the older man was taking care of him instead of the other way around. Isak felt like a failure.

 

He sat on the bed, staring down at his lap as Even removed his hoodie, his shoes, his socks, and jeans. He let himself be manhandled and cared for. The tea he’d made for Even somehow reached his lips and filled his belly with warmth. Isak lay down on the bed, nuzzling the pillow that smelt the most like Even.

 

“I’m sorry.” Even whispered against, pushing his curls off Isak’s forehead as he drifted off into sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

“Isak!”

 

“It’s Saturday, Even. What’s the rule for Saturdays?” Isak grumbled, burying his face into his pillow because he refused to get up before eleven. He’d always refused to get up before eleven and Even — for years now — tried to get him up before eleven.

 

“It’s one, Issy.”

 

Isak opened one eyes to glare at Even, finding him standing by his bed with a tray. “What’s that?”

 

Even grinned, looking adorably proud of himself. “Breakfast. I came up with a plan for today.” He sat on the bed, getting comfortable and setting the tray in his lap. “We’re going shopping.”

 

Isak forced himself to sit up, wiping his eyes. “Shopping?”

 

“Yep.” Even took one of his hands and placed the coffee in it carefully. Isak tried not to think about the gesture. “I think I should get a makeover. Throw out all the clothes she liked or bought me, start over.”

 

Isak sipped his coffee slowly, waiting for his brain to turn back on. “I like your clothes.”

 

Even smiled patiently. “Yes, which is why you’re coming so you can help me find more clothes we like. And to keep my phone hostage.”

 

_We._

 

“... Did you read a breakup book or something?” Isak squinted at him, letting Even take his coffee and replace it with a piece of toast.

 

“Sort of.” Even pulled out his phone. “Eight Steps for Moving on From Your Ex. Accept the truth. Hang out with friends. Do something. Learn a new skill. Work out. Go on Vacation. Take a break. Change your life.”

 

Isak blinked a couple of times. “What step are we on now?”

 

“Mixing accepting the truth, hanging with friends, and changing my life a bit.” Even shrugged before handing Isak his phone. “But you’re right, as usual: I need to move on.”

 

“By shopping.”

 

Even grinned. “Exactly.”

 

 

After a long discussion, both agreed that Isak could not be trusted to make accurate and helpful decisions when it came to fashion. They needed an expert. Someone more fun and who didn’t already think Even looked nice in everything he wore.

 

They needed Eskild.

 

“What kind of look are you going for?” He asked Even seriously, arms crossed over his chest.

 

Even thought for a moment. “Something more adult. Something that says, ‘I mean serious business’, but also ‘I’m fun’.”

 

Eskild hummed. “Well, the jean jacket says you enjoy looking like everyone else in Oslo.”

 

“Eskild.” Isak interrupted from where he stood at Even’s side.

 

“Yes, baby gay?”

 

Isak glanced up from his phone, pinning the older man with a look. “The jacket stays.”

 

“Isak—“

 

“It stays.”

 

Eskild huffed. “I don’t know why you asked me to come along if you’re not going to let me have at least a little fun.” He turned to Even. “The jacket really has to stay? Everyone owns this jacket. Jonas, Magnus, Eva.”

 

“Isak gets the last word. It was the deal.” Even grinned, apologetically.

 

“Fine.” Eskild poked Isak in the forehead. “But you’re next.”

 

Isak huffed. “Never happening.”

 

For the most part, Eskild was finding the most eccentric patterns to put on Even. Flamingos, monkeys, pineapples. Any sort of bright colored button up was finding its way onto Even’s body and Isak turned every single one down with a roll of his eyes. He didn’t think changing Even’s wardrobe was going to fix anything, but it stopped the conversation on quitting film and Isak was more than happy to indulge that factor.

 

“Okay, what about this?” Eskild asked, pulling back the dressing room curtain — dramatic as ever — to reveal Even in a black, striped button up and mustard colored pants. He looked more serious business. And, despite Isak’s previous doubts, it was a _good_ look.

 

Isak’s mouth dropped open in surprise, eyes raking over Even’s body in a way he hadn’t allowed them to in years. He looked _good._ More than good. He looked hot, sexy. Isak swallowed thickly, eyes trailing back up to meet Even’s, who looked just as surprised by Isak’s reaction.

 

“Is it good?” Even asked.

 

Was it ever.

 

“I—“ Isak jumped when his phone rang, loudly blaring through the store. “Fuck.” He hissed, answer it quickly. “Hello?”

 

“Hey, baby.” Mats. Isak glanced back up at Even, who was still watching him expectantly. “I just wanted to call and check in. You never texted me back last night. How’s Even?”

 

Isak swallowed, tearing his eyes away. “He’s, uh, good.”

 

“Good?”

 

“I mean—“ He winced, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He and Sonja broke up so he’s a little, yknow.”

 

On the other end of the phone, Mats sighed sympathetically. “Oh, I can’t imagine how that must feel. They’ve been together for a long time, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Isak sighed. “But, uh, I’m actually with him right now so I should go.”

 

“Of course, yes. Just call me when you have time and tell Even to hang in there.” Mats decided quickly.

 

Isak couldn’t help the smile that curved onto his lips. How he ended up with someone so nice was beyond him; they’d met by chance. Isak had been stood up by some dude from Grindr at a coffee shop and Mats had taken pity on him and slid into the empty seat. At first, Isak had hated the company. He’d been annoyed by how nice Mats was constantly, to any and everyone.

 

But it was nice to be with someone nice.

 

“Was that Mats?” Even asked, catching Isak’s attention.

 

“Oh, uh.” He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. He says to hang in there.”

 

Even raised an eyebrow. “Interesting wording.”

 

“Even.” Isak scoffed, shaking his head. “I hate those jokes.”

 

“You make them all the time!” Even sang, turning back to Eskild. “I think this one’s a yes.”

 

Eskild nodded. “I’d say so. And judging by the eye-fucking, I’d think Isak likes it plenty too.”

 

“I— _Eskild!_ I didn’t—“ Isak sputtered, a flush climbing his neck.

 

“It’s okay, we’ll never have to speak of it again, baby gay.” Eskild waved him off, earning a laugh from Even.

 

Isak hid his face in his hands and exhaled heavily.

 

“So, what now?” Isak asked after they dropped Eskild back off at his flat. Even had two full bags in his hands and Isak carried one more. Shopping seemed to be a success and as much as Isak hated to admit it, it was a pretty good idea. Even’s spirits had been considerably lifted and — He looked really fucking good.

 

Even shrugged. “Mikael texted. He wants to take me to some club tonight.”

 

“Cool.”

 

“Can you come?”

 

Isak nodded. “‘Course.”

 

Even gave him a curious look. “You don’t have class? Exams?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Even.”

 

* * *

 

 

Isak remembered what it was like to kiss Even.

 

He remembered how it felt to have his fingers in Even’s hair, how their bodies fit perfectly together. For friction, for comfort, for anything. He remembered the sounds Even made when Isak caught his skin between his teeth. How his fingers would dig into Isak’s waist. Whenever he bit down too hard, Even would arch his back and let out the sweetest moan.

 

Isak remembered how excited he had been, how he never wanted to kiss anyone else. He never even thought about it, for months. No one's lips made him squirm like Even’s did. Around a straw or a beer bottle or spread wide in a laugh. He had an effect on Isak like no other.

 

When they’d first broken up, it had been unbearable. Isak would have to excuse himself constantly to try to calm himself down, try to relax a little. Cold showers became a regular thing. But eventually it got better, he found new lips and got himself under control.

 

Sometimes, though, Even moved in a certain way and Isak was back to being eighteen and on fire.

 

* * *

 

 

Isak did have a paper to write. He didn’t know why he didn’t just tell Even — they could wait until the following weekend. They could party until Even found some pretty girl or boy or otherwise to go home with. They could stay up all night and talk about what all went wrong, what all went right, whatever Even wanted. It could’ve waited for the weekend.

 

But he didn’t want to put Even’s pain on hold again.

 

Which was why he was in a bar, slightly drunk, and playing “follow the leader” with Even. Anywhere the tall, blonde giraffe went, Isak followed. A man had found them at the bar. He was as tall as Even, bald, but with a thick beard and nice eyebrows. He’d been moving into Even’s space for a few minutes, making him laugh and flirting insistently while Isak stood next to them, and tried to avoid eye contact.

 

“Your boyfriend?” The guy nodded to Isak, making his gut twist. He opened his mouth to correct the man, but Even spoke faster.

 

“My ex.”

 

Isak’s eyes widened. Not once, ever, had they referred to one another as exes. While technically true, they had decided it didn’t fit. It made the person feel past-tense, separate, and they never had been any of those things to each other. They’d decided, after breaking up, to keep their title as best friends intact. So. Ex?

 

“Oh.” The guy nodded, taking a step back. “My bad, then.”

 

Even smiled kindly. “No big deal.”

 

When the guy disappeared back into the crowd, Isak turned to him and slapped his arm. “What was that?”

 

_“Ow!”_

 

“Did you just call me your ex?”

 

“That really hurt!”

 

“Since when do we call each other that?”

 

“Have you been working out or something?”

 

“Even!”

 

“It’s in the rules!” Even insisted. “Take a break. Don’t hook up with anyone. Don’t see anyone else. I was just trying to get him to back off. No harm done.”

 

Isak pursed his lips. No harm done; did he really believe that? “Don’t call me that again.”

 

Even paused, watching Isak carefully before nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was a big deal.” He glanced away, then back. “Why is it a big deal?”

 

“We both agreed we didn’t like it.” Isak argued, crossing his arms over his chest like a pouting child.

 

“That was years ago, back when—“

 

Isak looked up at him, surprised. “When _what?”_

 

Even bit his lip. “... When it mattered? We’re past that.”

 

Isak nodded slowly, averting his gaze. “Right.”

 

Mikael and Adam took Even away to play darts or something and when no one was looking, Isak texted Mats and stepped outside.

 

 

**Five Years Ago**

* * *

 

 

 

“I think we should break up.” The words felt robotic coming out of Isak’s mouth. He’d rehearsed the speech, had figured out everything he needed to say. “I don’t think it’s working well, you and me. I’m not focused enough on my studies and you need to focus more on things you like. It’s not practical long-term, with us being roommates. And you’ve been my best friend my entire life. I’d rather have that than a boyfriend.” He spoke too quickly, listing all the reasons in one breath in hopes to get it over with quickly.

 

He’d forgotten that Even was, well, Even.

 

“Isak, what’s really going on?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“You’re not talking like yourself. Where is this coming from?”

 

“I just think it’s for the best.” Isak whispered, squeezing his eyes shut desperately. “We aren’t a good match.”

 

“What do you mean? We’re perfect for each other.” Even scoffed. “Isak, look at me!”

 

Isak couldn’t look at him. He could barely get the words out the first time. If he looked at Even, it would unravel everything. He’d break, he’d give in, he’d crawl into his best friend’s arms and admit just what was weighing so heavily on his chest. Instead, Isak shook his head once, whispered a broken apology, and disappeared into his corner of the apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

They were over it.

 

Even had gotten with Sonja a few months later and Isak, after a long, painful year, had started seeing other guys. He’d started becoming more confident and self-assured. He started flirting with men a little too-much older than him, started going home and letting himself be kissed and groped. Eventually he met Eskild. It got better, eventually.

 

They’d gotten over it.

 

Isak learned to stop his heart from racing whenever Even touched his hair, from shattering when Sonja and Even kissed. He learned to tune out the sound of the two of them through the walls of the flat. He learned how to kiss a boy without being terrified what the world around him thought.

 

Even was right. It didn’t matter anymore. It had been years.

 

It didn’t matter.

 

“Hey, baby.” Mats grinned when Isak slid into the passenger seat. “Is everything okay?” He asked gently, finger running along his cheek. “You look tired.”

 

Isak sighed, leaning into his touch. “I am, a bit. Even can be a lot to deal with like this.”

 

Mats sighed sympathetically. “Want to come back to mine or…?”

 

It was tempting, but Isak knew Even would probably need him in the morning. Another day dedicated to the goal of ‘moving on’.

 

“Can you stay at ours?” Isak asked, kissing his palm. “For the night?”

 

It wasn’t often that Isak invited Mats over. The other man had his own house, up in the hills. There, they could be entirely themselves. They could be alone. Isak didn’t get embarrassed when Mats made him watch stupid, black and white films. He didn’t glance over his shoulder when Mats called him sweet, pet names. At Mats’ place, they could live in a bubble. They could be two people who dated and kissed. They could be themselves.

 

At Isak’s, he was constantly aware of how they appeared to Even. He was constantly thinking about the films they watched and how loud they were in bed and if did something Even used to do, if his best friend saw and what he thought and if it meant something.

 

But it didn’t mean something. None of it did, did it?

 

So Isak took Mats home. He took him to bed, and he didn’t bother checking on Even. Just for the night.

 

* * *

 

 

It didn’t last for long. The next morning, the two of them bumped into each other while Isak tried to exit the bathroom after a shower. He opened the door, towel wrapped around his waist and hair dripping, to find Even standing there. Like he’d been waiting for him. “Where did you disappear to last night?” Even asked softly.

 

Isak shrugged. “I was tired. I came home.”

 

“But— I thought you were going to stay.” Even mumbled. “You said you would.”

 

“The guys were there.” Isak told him, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “Figured it didn’t _matter_ anymore if I was there or not.”

 

Even’s eyes widened. “... Isak, you know when I said—“

 

“Good Morning!” Mats appeared at the end of the hall, shirtless and smiling. “Eggs, anyone?”

 

“Oh.” Even blinked. “Hey, Mats.”

 

“Hey, Even. I’m sorry to hear about you and Sonja.”

 

Even nodded, smiling tightly. “Thanks.”

 

The three of them stood in the kitchen. Mats was humming to himself as he cooked, Isak had gotten dressed in sweats and an over sized hoodie that belonged to one of the other blonde men in the room. He couldn’t tell you which one. Even was standing by the coffee machine, staring at Isak evenly as he sipped from his mug.

 

“Even, did you hear about the screening of Ghost?” Mats asked, handing Even a plate of eggs and pancakes.

 

“I didn’t.” Even said, setting the plate aside.

 

Mats frowned. “Not hungry?”

 

Even smiled tightly. “Can’t stop thinking about Sonja.”

 

Isak scowled into his mug, unable to stop himself. It was probably a lie. He knew that and still, Isak couldn’t help but be angry. He used to be so good at swallowing all the pain down, at pretending it didn’t exist, but then Even did one thing. One, small insignificant thing and suddenly, Isak was back to square one. He was back to regretting every decision, back to being hurt.

 

‘I get it.” Mats nodded, taking Even’s plate off the counter and moving to Isak’s side. “If I lost Isak, I don’t know what I’d do. But life moves on. All you can do is remember that it was time well spent and be grateful that you had that time with her at all. It was a learning experience for you both. And look, dude, you’re a great guy. You’re brilliant. You’ll find someone soon. You know?”

 

Even’s tight, painted on smile remained in place. “I know.”

 

“Well, I have to head to work. Try to eat this, okay?” Mats handed him the plate and pressed a kiss to Isak’s cheek. “Good luck on your exam today, baby. Remember you’re a genius!”

 

As soon as the door shut, Even frowned at Isak. “Exam?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You said—“

 

“For you not to worry about it.” Isak shrugged, setting the plate down. He wasn’t hungry.

 

Even clenched his jaw. “Why do you always do this shit?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Shut me out when I haven’t asked you to!”

 

Isak flinched. “It’s not like you’re—You’re not entitled to my life, Even. You’re not entitled to know everything about me. It’s just an exam. You didn’t need to worry about it because you’re going through enough right now and… And.”

 

“I don’t shut you out of anything.” Even snapped. “I never have. If you needed me to stay at a club after a breakup, I would. I wouldn’t fucking disappear and not answer my phone when someone needed me. I wouldn’t do that. Especially not to you. But you always run away.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Isak gapped.

 

Even slammed his hand on the counter. “You broke up with me. You decided we didn’t matter. You’re the reason we’re exes. You don’t get to run away from me just because I said it out loud!”

 

“You don’t get to decide what I do!” Isak hissed, hands trembling. “You don’t get to do this.”

 

“I just want you to talk to me!”

 

“I am talking to you!”

 

Even’s shoulders slumped, he looked at Isak with big, sad eyes. He looked like he’d given up. “Good luck on your exam, Issy.”


	2. june

**June**

* * *

 

 

They didn’t talk for two weeks.

 

Every morning, Isak would wake up with his heart aching in his chest. It felt like heartbreak, fighting with Even. It felt like something had been ripped out of him, some part of him was no longer able to function. When they were kids, the fights lasted ten minutes. Isak would sob in a corner until Even inevitably brought him a flower or a toy or a hug. Or Even would mope until Isak started rambling on about some movie Even hated until the older boy had no choice but interrupt and speak to him again.  When they were kids it had all been so fucking simple.

 

But they weren’t kids anymore.

 

Every morning for the past two weeks, Isak would crawl out of bed in hopes of finding Even in the kitchen or in the bathroom, but every morning, he’d be missing. Isak didn’t know where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with. It worried him sick, but Isak knew well enough that he had no right to worry. He had no right to wonder. He had no right to try to find out what was going on with his best friend.

 

If he was spiraling, it was Isak’s fault. If he was getting irresponsibly wasted, it was Isak’s fault. If he was alone, it was Isak’s fault. If he had found someone else to spend his time with, well, that was Isak’s fault too.

 

Isak sat in the kitchen on the two-week mark, staring straight ahead and wallowing in self-loathing. He had schoolwork he needed to get to, he had to go to his job not think about Even. He had to do _something_ to distract himself from the guilt clawing at his chest. He had to have dinner with his boyfriend, study for his last exam. He had to call Jonas and hear about how good Eva was in bed.

 

Isak had things to do that would distract him. He had plenty to think about. He didn’t have to think about Even. He needed to focus on his own life.

 

 But, first, he needed to call Mikael.

 

It rang twice before he picked up.

 

“Isak?” Mikael voice, bright and chipper, like he’d been awake for hours, was a good sign. It meant that maybe he had been awake for hours, maybe he’d been out with Even. Maybe Even wasn’t alone or tangled in some bed with a stranger.

 

“Uh, hey.” He whispered. “Where are you?”

 

Mikael was silent for a moment. “Why do you ask?”

 

Isak felt a flush climb up his neck. “I just… Even’s not home yet and I haven’t really seen him in a few days and I just… I wanna make sure he’s okay.”

 

“Ah. One sec.” Mikael mumbled. There was a muffled conversation on the other end before another voice came through, deep and familiar. Easy to recognize anywhere, at any time.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Even.” Isak sighed in relief, the ball in his chest releasing ever so slightly.

 

“Uh, yeah?” Even sounded tired, annoyed. “What?”

 

Isak flinched, swallowing thickly. “I… I wanted to make sure you were safe.” He admitted quietly, hugging himself alone in their shared kitchen. “You haven’t been home and I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for calling.”

 

The line went dead on the other end. Even hung up and Isak felt tears flood his eyes. He was terrible at fighting with Even. He was terrible at missing him, at being alone, at sleeping when he didn’t know if his best friend was okay or not. He was terrible. Isak slid to the floor of their kitchen, hugging himself tightly and willing himself to calm down. Don’t panic. Calm down. It’s just a fight.

 

They’d fought plenty.

 

They’d survived a fucking break up. They could get through anything and be best friends, but Isak couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly helpless. He couldn’t help but feel like he’d let Even down. He couldn’t help but hate himself, a little. And it was probably just the lack of sleep, the anxiety and guilt that had already been weighing on him, but Isak couldn’t help but cry into his coffee mug.

 

“Isak? Isak, why are you on the floor?” Even’s panicked voice filled his senses. His large hands cupped Isak’s cheeks, pulling his head up and out of his arms. Even’s blue eyes were wide and filled with worry. He ran his thumbs along his cheekbones, wiping away the tears there. “Isak, what happened?”

 

Isak let out a strangled sob, scrambling to wrap his arms around the other man. “I hate when you’re mad at me.” He admitted, heartbroken. “I hate when you’re gone.”

 

Even wrapped his arms around Isak, holding him impossibly close. “Oh, _Isak.”_

 

“Is he okay?” Mikael was standing in the corner of their kitchen, looking worriedly between the two.

 

Even nodded, carding his fingers gently through Isak’s curls. “Yeah. Can you get him some water?” He asked softly before pressing his lips to Isak’s ear. “What have you eaten today?”

 

“I just woke up.” Isak mumbled tiredly, hiding his face in Even’s neck and inhaling his familiar scent.

 

“What did you eat for dinner?” Even pressed, moving the coffee cup onto the counter and safely out of Isak’s reach. “You panic when your blood sugar is low. You have to take care of yourself, Issy.”

 

“I ate a pizza.” He grumbled, no heat behind his defense.

 

Even tutted, taking the glass of water from Mikael and pressing it to Isak’s lips. “And what? Kebab for lunch?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“This is why you’re crying! You have to eat well.” Even sighed, exasperatedly turning to Mikael. “This is what I mean, man, he doesn’t know how to eat. The smartest kid in the world, can probably tell me what foods I should stay away from so I don’t trigger an episode—”

 

“That was one time! You were eating processed food for a week!”

 

“But he can’t even make a proper meal for himself. It’s ridiculous. He’d be lost without me.”

 

Isak huffed, dropping his forehead onto Even’s shoulder. “Does this mean we’re done fighting?”

 

Mikael snorted. “Please? I can’t go for five kilometer runs every morning, it’s going to kill me.”

 

“You’ve been running?” Isak gaped, looking up at Even. “That’s it?”

 

Even smirked down at him. “Why, were you worried?”

 

“Fuck you, no.”

 

“Oh, yeah right.”

 

“I wasn’t worried!”

 

Even laughed. “That’s why you had to call Mikael to check up on me?”

 

Isak shoved his chest gently. “You would’ve done the same!”

 

“Okay, I think you two have settled this. I’m gonna go lay in bed for a week.” Mikael laughed. “Isak, don’t eat processed food. Even, take Isak next time you wanna go for a run.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “Bye, Mik.”

 

“Ha det, drittsek.” Even snorted.

 

The door shut, leaving the two of them on the floor of the kitchen, tangled together. Isak didn’t care that Even was sweating, that he smelt gross. He stayed, practically in the older man’s lap, while he finished his water in silence. Even let him, pushing his curls off his forehead, out of his face.

 

“I’m sorry.” Isak sighed finally. “For lying to you.”

 

Even hummed, wrapping a curl around his finger thoughtfully. “I’m sorry for calling you my ex at the bar.”

 

Isak shrugged. “It’s okay. I guess I am.”

 

Even was silent for a minute before he tugged on Isak’s curl, making him look up. “Why does it bug you?”

 

“… I guess,” Isak sighed, sitting back so Even didn’t fill his every sense. His back pressed against the cabinet, his legs still tangled with Even’s. “When I think of exes, I think of Julian. Or Aksel. Or Geir. I don’t think of you.”

 

“Because we barely dated?” Even asked slowly.

 

Isak scrunched up his nose. “No, what? I dated Geir for, like, three weeks. It’s more that… They’re past tense. Ex means an x-mark. Crossed out. Done. Over.”

 

“And you don’t think we’re over?”

 

“No!” Isak flushed. “I know we’re over, obviously, but you’re still my best friend.”

 

Even nodded slowly, eyebrows knit together as he tried to process what Isak was saying. He wasn’t making sense, was he?

 

“You were the first person I ever fell in love with.” Isak rushed out, trying desperately not to turn too red in the process. Even wanted him to be honest, to stop shutting him out. Isak could do that. No big deal. “And our relationship meant a lot to me and I know we’re never going to go back there, that’s not—not what I want. But ex seems like you’re less important. If I called you an ex to Mats, he’d wonder why I still lived with you and why we’re friends. So, I don’t. I call you my best friend, because that’s what’s important about us. Not that we dated, not that you were my first…”

 

“Everything.” Even filled in, an understanding smile on his lips.

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. It’s not about me rejecting that we were ever together or rejecting that we’re completely over. It’s about me still… Needing you. I need you.”

 

Even reached out and took Isak’s hand, squeezing his fingertips. “You really didn’t tell Mats we dated?”

 

“Really? That’s all you got from that?” Isak scoffed, tangling their fingers together.

 

“It just seems weird. That he doesn’t know.” Even shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek.

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “I _tried_ telling guys. You saw how that worked out.”

 

“But Mats isn’t like that. He’s perfect.” Even told him, and if Isak didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought he heard a hint of bitterness in his tone.

 

“He’s great, yeah. That’s kind of why I want to keep him around.” Isak shrugged before checking his phone and letting out a curse. “Oh, fuck!”

 

Even followed him to his feet, eyes wide. “What?”

 

“I’m late for work!” Isak explained hastily.

 

“Okay.” Even nodded, grabbing an apple out of the fridge and tossing it to Isak, who caught it easily. “See you when you get home?”

 

Isak smiled, feeling more relaxed than he had in the past two weeks. “See you then.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Things got better.

 

Isak passed his exams with flying colors, like Even (and Mats) said he would. He went out on fancy dates with his boyfriend, helped him pick out a summer house. He visited his parents with Even (not Mats) in tow. He did better at work, slept better. Even cooked breakfast in the morning and Isak helped him with dinner in the evening, when he wasn’t out with Mats. Some days, he’d come home to find Even sulking and watching Romeo + Juliet.

 

It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. They were talking, working as a team. They were around each other more than they had been in years. Usually, on the weekends, Even would’ve disappeared somewhere with Sonja and Isak would’ve gone out with Mats. It would’ve been lucky if they even caught a glance at one another. But they were hanging out on the weekends, for the first time in years. 

 

To: **Mats**

 

Have fun tonight!

  
thx babe

  
Are you out with Eskild?

and even

  
At a gay bar? Haha. Shouldn’t you go somewhere more conventional for Even?

  
why?

  
Isn’t he straight?

  
no…?  
he’s pan

  
Oh.

 

 

“Are you hooking up tonight?” Eskild asked Even over the music when Isak looked up from his phone.

 

He was sitting at his best friend’s side, glancing around the gay club without interest. He’d never been good at it, clubbing. He was always too stiff, too uncomfortable. He watched people too closely, was too sober. Or else, too drunk and too willing to dance with anyone who so much a tugged on his arm. That had been the problem in the early days of clubbing, after Even.

 

He used to get plastered at the club, surrender himself to the weekend and whatever came with it. It was the only way he could get past the worry.

 

But it was different now because Eskild would never let him go home with anyone shady and he had a boyfriend. Granted, a boyfriend who wasn’t invited because he was a mature adult who never, ever, would be caught dead with a partying crowd. But a boyfriend, nevertheless.

 

“No, I’ve given up hooking up for a while.” Even shrugged, nursing his beer.

 

Isak, who was on his third, smirked and leaned over Even to shout to Eskild. “He has a list of rules.”

 

Eskild’s eyebrows knit in amused confusion. “Rules?”

 

“Breakup rules.” Isak clarified, grinning.

 

Even was looking down at him, sipping his beer slowly as he watched Isak with blue, sparkling eyes. “Are you making fun of me, Valtersen?”

 

Isak raised his eyebrows. “Maybe.”

 

“Uh-huh.” Eskild glanced between the two of them. “Is Mats coming tonight, Isak?”

 

“Oh, god no.” Isak laughed, toppling onto Even’s lap a little. The older man placed a hand on his lower back to steady him. “He hates clubs. He thinks it’s the dumbest way to find love.”

 

“Who says we’re looking for love?” Even asked.

 

“It’s just Mats.” Isak shrugged, taking another sip of his beer. “He likes fancy restaurants and clubs that are for, like, golf. He has a house and an electronic lawnmower and a Telsa.” He listed, scrunching up his nose. “He thinks this stuff is stupid.”

 

Eskild rolled his eyes fondly. “You know, you sound like you’re shit talking your boyfriend.”

 

“I’m not.” Isak whined, gripping Even’s thigh to keep himself steady. The older man inhaled next to his ear, but Isak shushed him before turning back to Eskild. “He’s just perfect. He doesn’t drink anything but wine. He has the perfect diet. He has a house and a real job as an engineer and, like, fancy clothes that button up.” He went on, desperate to explain himself. “He wouldn’t go out to something like this, because he doesn’t need to. His life is put together.”

 

“And yours isn’t?” Even asked, rubbing a hand gently of Isak’s back.

 

“No.” Isak barked out a laugh. “I have no idea why he’s with me.”

 

 

Eskild and Even shared a look he didn’t understand. “Alright, Even, tell me about these rules.”

 

While they discussed the breakup tactic, Isak downed the rest of his beer and ordered another one just in time for Even to haul him to his feet. “I think it’s time we go home.”

 

“What?” Isak whined. “You didn’t even dance!”

 

“No, but someone pre-gamed too hard and if we stay, it’ll be harder to get you home later.” Even teased, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Maybe another night, Eskild.”

 

“I just ordered another beer!”

 

“Eskild can drink it.”

 

Eskild looked worried. “Okay. Isak, I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?”

 

“Why? I’m fine.” Isak groaned. “Why do you look like you’re going to scold me?”

 

“I’m not going to scold you, I’m going to text you.” Eskild rolled his eyes, his familiar grin calming Isak down. “See you boys later.”

 

Isak sighed dramatically, leaning into Even’s side. “Use a condom!”

 

 

Once safely on the bus, Even let Isak lean against him. He held onto the pole with one arm, the other wrapped around Isak’s shoulders while Isak’s wrapped around his waist. “Are you and Mats okay?” He asked quietly, into Isak’s ear. There were plenty of other people on the bus, shouting too loudly for anyone else to overhear them.

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

Even shrugged. “Seemed like you don’t feel like you’re a good fit.”

 

Isak sighed heavily into his neck. “… I don’t know why he’s with me at all.”

 

“You know you’re amazing, right?”

 

Isak shook his head. “I’m not amazing.”

 

“Hey.” Even slid his hand into Isak’s hair, pulling his face up so their eyes met. “Don’t talk about my best friend like that. You deserve a man as good as Mats. He’s a nice guy. You deserve nice guys.”

 

“I’m not a nice guy.”

 

Even scoffed, pressing his lips to Isak’s forehead. “You’re the nicest boy in the whole wide world, Valtersen.”

 

Isak wished he believed him.

 

* * *

 

 

**Five Years Ago**

 

> “Who was that?” Even asked from the doorway, watching him carefully.
> 
>  
> 
> “No one.” Isak answered, too quickly. His hands were still shaking as he shoved the phone into his pocket. He moved to the doorway, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and pulling him into a slow, lingering. “I missed you today.”
> 
>  
> 
> Even melted into it, shoulders relaxing, hand coming up to slide into Isak’s hair. “I missed you too.” He admitted softly, voice wavering. He was still recovering from an episode, still trying to get back to normal. Every day, he’d been coming home, hungry for any sort of affection Isak would grant him.
> 
>  
> 
> Isak could tell he was worried, insecure, scared of something. “You don’t have to miss me anymore.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Promise?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Promise.” Isak smiled against his lips, unaware of the lie that has escaped his.

 

* * *

 

 

Isak hated the gym.

 

He knew, technically, there was an importance to it. A fitness factor, a health factor. He always felt better after a workout, felt a little more awake after the endorphin rush, but he hated it. Especially when he went with Even and his friends.

 

It was all too like high school; sitting around with their shirts off just to impress some random girl that might happen to walk by. Elias would go on and on about every hot girl in the gym, just a little too loudly for Isak to feel comfortable with. Adam would make some dumb joke about a girl’s ass, Mutta would smack him upside his head. Mikael would apologize to every girl that sent a scathing look their way. Yousef and Even, on the other hand, were constantly competing on every machine.

 

They were doing reps on the weights, muscles flexing with every upswing. Neither one of them took off their shirts in the gym like Elias, but they wore sleeveless shirts, showing off their arms. And while Isak didn’t really find Yousef attractive – because he knew better than to look at Sana’s man like that – he had a hard time not watching Even.

 

It wasn’t just the ridiculous hotness of muscles, or the way the sheen of sweat made his skin glow. It was the fun that Even was so obviously having. The loud laugh he’d have when Yousef’s legs would give out, the groan he’d do when his arm had, had enough. The fond smile he’d send Isak every time one of his friends said something stupidly endearing.

 

Isak had to avert his eye entirely, push his headphones in his ears, and turn the treadmill on as high as he could handle to distract himself.

 

When his lungs started burning, sweat burned his eyes, and he was gasping for breath, someone came and tugged the cord to automatically stop the machine. Isak slowed to a stop with it, gripping the handles and coughing.

 

“Why… Did you… Do that?”

 

“You’ve got to pace yourself, bro.” Elias told him.

 

Even came over with a towel, dabbing Isak’s forehead. The younger man let him for a moment before he tiredly shoved his hand away. “Stop, I know how to run.” He grumbled.

 

“Nah, dude, you were gonna go flying if you didn’t stop soon.” Adam argued.

 

Mutta shoved a bottle of water into his hand. “He’s right.”

 

“Fuck off.” Isak groaned, chugging the water anyway.

 

“What were you running away from, anyway?” Mikael laughed, taking the towel from Even’s hand and throwing it in Isak’s face. “Zombies? Vampires? Werewolves?”

 

“Probably his own demons.” Yousef joked, elbowing Elias with a grin.

 

The boys all laughed, tossing out jokes at Isak’s expense.

 

“Are you okay, though?” Even mumbled, touching his elbow with a gentle hand. “You were going way harder than usual.”

 

“Thought I could handle it.” Isak shrugged, wiping his face with the towel. “Did I look bad or something?”

 

Even’s face got a little red and he coughed into his hand. “Nah, just out of breath.” He explained easily. Isak squinted at him. “You know how the guys are. They have to play personal trainer to anyone who isn’t a gym rat.”

 

Isak snorted. “I’m not completely incapable.”

 

“I know that.” Even swore, holding back a smile. “You should stretch before we head home.”

 

“Why?” Isak frowned. The idea of bending in all sorts of ways with Even watching immediately made his heart race uncomfortably in his chest. Whether it was because he thought Even would look or because he knew he wouldn’t, Isak couldn’t tell.

 

Even raised an eyebrow. “So you don’t cramp?”

 

“I won’t cramp.”

 

“Isak, you should stretch.”

 

“I’m good, thank you.”

 

Even scoffed, turning to the guys. “He won’t stretch!”

 

“Oh, dude.” Adam shook his head.

 

Elias gave him a pointed look. “You gotta stretch.”

 

“Especially after a run like that.” Mikael added. “You’ll hurt for days.”

 

“Do you want us to show you how?” Mutta asked, patiently.

 

“Even can show you.” Yousef offered up, as well.

 

Isak was going to melt. He was going to melt into the floor out of embarrassment. His only saving grace was that his face was already beat red from the run, so no one could see the blush finding its way across his skin. “Fine, fuck. You’re all so annoying.” He groaned, throwing the towel back at Mikael and handing the bottle back to Mutta.

 

He walked across the room to the yoga mats, reaching down to touch his toes. Isak winced at the pull in the back of his legs but continued anyway, refusing to let the guys get the better of him again. He was fine. He spread his legs a little and leaned down again, only to feel large hands on his hips, pulling him back into a standing position.

 

“That’s not how you stretch after a run.” Even told him, lips unsettling close to Isak’s ear.

 

“I’m not a child!” Isak argued, sounding strangled.

 

Even chuckled, the sound going straight to Isak’s cock. “I know you’re not.” He reached down and pulled up one of Isak’s legs behind him. “Hold your shin and lean forward.”

 

Isak flushed, trying to ignore how his skin burned where Even touched him as he obeyed. He pulled, wincing again as a burning pain went through his thigh.

 

“Hey, whoa.” Even grabbed him by his hips again. “Just a little, so you feel a pull. It shouldn’t hurt.”

 

“I know how to stretch!” Isak huffed, smacking Even’s hands away. He felt breathless, his throat dry, his heart racing. “Stop—”

 

“I’m just helping.” Even laughed, watching him with a fond grin.

 

“Stop touching me.” Isak hissed, voice low enough for only Even to hear.

 

Even tensed, smile dropping. He, too, suddenly flushed as his eyes dropped and caught sight of Isak’s gym shorts. “Oh.”

 

“Stop looking!” Isak insisted, shoving his chest.

 

“Isak, it’s fine!” Even insisted, stifling a laugh. “It happens to all of us. The amount of times I’ve seen Elias get ha—”

 

“Oh my god, do not finish that sentence.” Isak whined, covering his face with his hands. “I do _not_ need to know that about Sana’s brother.”

 

Even laughed harder, drawing attention from some of the people nearby. “I’m just saying, it’s totally normal!”

 

“We’re never speaking of this!” Isak insisted, lowering his hands and jabbing at Even’s chest instead. “Do you understand? Never.”

 

Even held up his hands, cackling. “Oh my god, you’re so embarrassed! Isak, I literally know where you keep your lube in our house. I’ve cleaned your cum-stained boxers and shirts and socks—”

 

“What?!”

 

“I’ve done your laundry plenty!” Even told him, smile so big his blue eyes had disappeared entirely.

 

“I hate you so much. Oh my god.” Isak whined.

 

Even grabbed Isak’s wrists, holding back his laughter now. “I’m sorry. Look, you’re fine, okay? I’ve seen your dick before. No need to be embarrassed. It’s a good dick, y’know—”

 

“Shut up!” Isak slapped his hands away. “I’m going to the locker room.”

 

“Isak!”

 

“Do not follow me!”

 

“You still need to stretch!”

 

“Nope!”

 

\--

 

“Is Even doing any better?” Mats asked that night as they lay in bed, naked.

 

Isak’s head was on his boyfriend’s stomach as he scrolled through his Instagram, watching everyone’s lives play out in picture form. From Sana’s picture of Yousef making her dinner to Even’s picture of him and Mikael after a marathon from some years before. He didn’t post much to his, personally. Isak didn’t really think anything in his life was that interesting.

 

“Isak?”

 

“Hm?” Isak blinked out of his trance to find Mats smiling down at him fondly, curling a strand of Isak’s hair around his finger.

 

“Even? How is he?”

 

Isak blinked. “Oh. Uh, he’s alright. He’s still getting over it, I think, but it’s going better than before. He’s stopped putting in only Baz movies, so that’s a plus.”

 

“I don’t know how you handle that.” Mats chuckled. “I hate that guys films.”

 

Isak raised his eyebrows and smiled. “You better not let Even hear you say that. You’ll be banned from the flat entirely.”

 

“That’s alright.” Mats smirked. “You’d just have to move in here with me.”

 

_Right._ Isak forced a tight smile, not sure what to say. The topic had been broached a couple of times before. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, he knew, to have a handsome and successful boyfriend want you to move in. But Isak didn’t think he was ready for that. “I don’t think I could afford to split rent here.”

 

“You wouldn’t have to.” Mats told him firmly. “You know I don’t mind paying.”

 

“I mind.” Isak reminded him, turning his attention back to his phone. “You already do so much for me. I don’t think I could handle you paying for a whole place for us.”

 

Mats sighed, pressing a kiss to Isak’s forehead. “Is it about that or is it that you don’t want to move away from Even?”

 

He asked it so gently, so carefully. It made Isak’s chest ache, how thoughtful this man was. He really did put so much thought and care into his words and how he treated Isak. It was unfair, how little Isak could give him in return.

 

“Both, maybe.” He admitted quietly.

 

Mats hummed, smoothing a hand over his curls. “How long have you two lived together?”

 

Isak paused, locking his phone and staring up at the ceiling. “… It depends.”

 

“On what?”

 

“What do you count as living together?”

 

Mats chuckled. “How about you tell me the whole story.”

 

Isak smiled to himself. “It’s long.”

 

“I’ve got all night.”

 

They stared at one another for a long moment. Mats waiting patiently and Isak wondering how much he should tell; how honest he should be. He didn’t want Mats to break up with him, he knew that. Every other guy he’d been entirely honest with had dumped Isak within a minute. So, a revised version. Isak could do that.

 

“We’ve known each other forever.” Isak began, taking one of Mats’ hands and playing with his fingers. “I don’t remember how we met, it’s been that long. I know bits and pieces. But I know how we became friends.

 

“My mom, you know, she’s sick. She’s always been sick. When I was younger, my Papa and her would go to church to try to fix it. The power of prayer or whatever. They didn’t want to give her medicine, because it can be dangerous, you know? So, anyway, we went to this church all the time and Even went there too. We used to have sleepovers. Lock-ins, at the church.

 

“Even was this older kid and he made friends with everyone, but I was always quiet and shy. The other kids didn’t like me very much because I was always reading. I had long hair, too, that people made fun of. They said I looked like a girl. I guess I did.”

 

“Not a bad thing.” Mats mentioned softly.

 

Isak smiled. “No, of course not. But I cut it off one day with scissors, when my parents were fighting about something. When I went back to the church, all the kids made fun of how choppy it was. Even didn’t. He just said it was cool and kept talking to the older kids.”

 

“So, the older, cool boy?” Mats teased.

 

“I guess.” Isak huffed. “Anyway, when I was ten my mom had a breakdown in church. My Papa was away on a business church and she just—It was a really bad day. Everyone was trying to get ahold of her. They called an ambulance and sent her away to a hospital. In all the drama, I guess they forgot I was there. Everyone went home, one by one, y’know. I thought I was just going to be forgotten there, but then Even came over. He was dragging his parents behind him, looking furious.” Isak smiled fondly at the memory, tangling his fingers with Mats. “He practically picked me up and carried me to their car himself.

 

“The entire ride back to his house, he was going on and on about how no one had taken care of me. He kept asking his mom if they had enough food and asked his dad if I could share his bed for the night since the guest room wasn’t done.”

 

Mats nodded. “Then what?”

 

Isak shrugged. “I stayed with them for a week before my Papa came back into town. We’ve been best friends ever since. When I was sixteen, things got bad at home. I went to stay with Even. He’d already been looking for a flat to live in the next year, and when he found it, we moved in together.” He left out the dating bits. The falling in love. The break up. How Isak had stayed with random men for a while, then with Eskild.

 

“That’s the flat you live in now?”

 

“Yeah.” Isak sighed, finally meeting his boyfriend’s eyes. 

 

Mats leaned down and kissed him. “I get it.”

 

Isak melted into it; how could he be so perfect?

 

 

* * *

 

 

Even used to do this thing, where he’d drag his mouth over Isak's throat, leaving a trail of spit in his wake as he made his way up or down. He’d whisper sickly sweet things into the skin under his ear before sucking a dark, pulsing bruise there. As much as Even loved movies, he would use the dark theater as an excuse to get Isak hard and writhing in his seat. A fun game of who would break first.

 

Even had started dragging Isak along almost every night during the week to see films. Sitting in a dark theater with him only brought those memories back tenfold and Isak kept shifting, hoping Even didn’t spot his half hard cock through his briefs. He shifted again.

 

“Are you okay?” Even leaned over, lips brushing against the shell of his ear and sending goosebumps over his skin. Isak jerked back.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Isak?”

 

Isak glanced over, pausing when he saw the concern on Even’s face. “Is the movie too much?” He whispered again, leaning forward again. Their faces inches apart, his breath fanning over Isak’s lips. If he leaned in a little, their forehead would touch, their noses brush, their lips would brush. If he leaned in a little, he would taste heaven.

 

“Bathroom.” Isak whispered, jumping out of his seat and out of the theater. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. His cock was hard in his jeans and it was all so _wrong._ Isak had a wonderful, perfect boyfriend. Even was getting over a breakup. They were supposed to be past this.

 

He was only a few steps into the hall when hands grabbed his waist, twisting him around.

 

“Even!”

 

The older man was staring down at Isak, eyebrows knit together. His hair was quiffed perfectly, his outfit one of the new things Eskild had picked out for him. Of course, he was the same handsome person he’d been Isak’s entire life, but it was starting to become unbearable.

 

“What is going on with you?”

 

Isak straightened. “I have to piss.”

 

“No, you’ve been acting weird.” Even accused, no heat behind it. Instead, he looked curious. “You were weird at the gym, you’ve been going out with Mats during the day—”

 

“Am I not allowed to visit my boyfriend?”

 

“—You used to love watching movies with me and now you’re acting like this is some sort of torture. What the hell, Is?”

 

Isak wiped a hand over his face. “You’re being insecure. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like… Like my exams!”

 

Even gave him a pointed look. “You passed those. I’ve seen the results.”

 

“I didn’t get as high as I wanted.” Isak tried.

 

“You passed everything with flying colors. Like you always do.” Even huffed, looking annoyed. “Why are you shutting me out again?”

 

Isak pursed his lips, trying to think quickly. “Mats sexted me, okay?” He blurted.

 

Even’s eyebrows raised. “Wh—” He cleared his throat. “What?”

 

Isak found himself flushing brightly. “I was going to the bathroom to sext him back.”

 

“… Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, then. My bad. Have fun.” Even smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Isak decided not to analyze that and nodded, before rushing into the bathroom and silently cursing himself.

 

It didn’t used to be so weird.

 

Isak used to be able to control himself, he really did. He hadn’t realized how much he and Even had been separated during the older man’s years with Sonja. He didn’t realize how much of their friendship they’d given up. It had been years

* * *

 

 

Eskild popped the cork off a bottle of champagne, at exactly 21:21, at Even’s demand. Everyone cheered, pressing kisses to Isak’s cheeks and hugging him tightly. Some clapped hands on his back. Mats took his chin and pressed a dirty kiss to Isak’s lips that made him flush.

 

“Dude, do you think they’re gonna get married first now?” Magnus asked Yousef and Sana, gesturing at Isak and Mats.

 

“What?” Isak laughed nervously.

 

Yousef gave Sana a pointed look. “I don’t know, Jonas, do you think they’ll get married first?”

 

Sana huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, Mags.”

 

“Fuck, bro.” Magnus laughed as Eskild poured them all glasses of champagne. “I didn’t mean to start shit. It’s just—Look at how happy Isak!”

 

Isak rolled his eyes, leaning into Mats. “You’re so annoying.”

 

“What? No, bro! I’m happy for you. For real.”

 

Mats pressed a kiss to Isak’s curls. “Well, I’m happy to be making him happy, but I think the marriage talk should be stowed away for a soberer time.”

 

“Thank you.” Isak chuckled, tuning out for a moment when he met Even’s eyes from across the room. His best friend was talking to Jonas about something lowly, but when their eyes met, Even broke out into a grin and winked. Isak rolled his eyes, but grinned back. It was his birthday, after all. He was surrounded by people who loved him, people who made his life better, people who made him happy.

 

And Even was one of those people. It was normal to feel giddy.

 

“—Like, Isak hasn’t been this happy since he and Even went out, yknow? It’s just nice to see him smiling for a change.” Magnus finished when Isak tuned back in.

 

“What?” Mats tensed next to him.

 

Isak’s smile slid away. “Mags.”

 

“What?” The blonde looked between them, a dumb puppy. “You were happy with Even. I mean, for a little while.”

 

Mats looked down at Isak, searching his eyes for the guilt that confirmed it. “… I’m going outside. Excuse me.” He mumbled, nodding to the group before pulling away from Isak and moving outside.

 

“Nice going, Mags.” Isak bit out.

 

Magnus’ eyes widened. “Oh, shit. Isak—”

 

But Isak was already following Mats out of the party, calling his name desperately as they descended the stairwell and out into the cool night. “Mats, hold on!”

 

“You lied to me?” Mats turned on him abruptly, making Isak stumbling back a little. “You never told me you two dated.”

 

“It was only for a little while.” Isak explained desperately.

 

Mats’ jaw clenched. “When? How long?”

 

“Seven months when I was eighteen.” Isak answered quickly, placing his hands on his boyfriend’s chest. “It was a long time ago, okay?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Isak sighed heavily. “Because guys freak out when I tell them. They get paranoid and don’t trust me and—”

 

“Of course, they do!” Mats half-shouted, making Isak flinch back. “You’ve bailed on countless dates with me for him. You got out with him practically every night. You talk about him like he holds the sun up in the fucking sky.” He wiped a hand over his face. “That story. Did you move in because you started dating? Is that flat—Your _couple_ flat?”

 

“No, we moved in there when I was seventeen!”

 

Mats clenched his jaw. “But you were dating while you lived there?”

 

“Yes, but—”

 

“Fucking Christ, Isak!” Mats shouted. “Is this a joke?”

 

Isak bit his lip hard. “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.”

 

“But you didn’t!”

 

“Hey.” Jonas had come outside, a cigarette hanging from his lips. He glanced between them with a frown before his eyes settled on Isak. “You okay, Issy?”

 

“Who are you?” Mats snapped.

 

“I’m his best friend.” Jonas told him, easily, coming to stand next to Isak.

 

“I thought Even was your best friend?” Mats pointed out, a little coldly, as he looked between Jonas and Isak. “Is this an ex too?”

 

Jonas clenched his jaw. “I think you should go.”

 

_“Jonas.”_ Isak argued softly.

 

“No.” He shook his head, firmly. “Sorry, man, but it’s Isak’s birthday. This fight can wait until tomorrow or next week. We don’t fight with Isak on his birthday. It’s a general rule around here.” Jonas pointed out, ice cold. “So, you can get over yourself for tonight, or you can go.”

 

Mats turned to Isak, as if he thought he might be begged to stay. When he realized that wasn’t what was going happen, he snorted and disappeared down the street.

 

Isak hugged himself tighter, head bowed. “Why does this always happen to me?”

 

Jonas sighed, squeezed the back of his neck. “Why does what happen?”

 

“They always leave just because Even’s my best friend.”

 

“Isak…” Jonas smiled, friendly and warm, as always. “No offense, bro, but I’m your best friend. Even’s something else entirely.”

 

“What?” He asked curiously.

 

Jonas laughed patiently. “You gotta figure that out on your own. Let’s go back inside. It’ll be okay.”

 

Isak went back in, tried to enjoy his birthday, but couldn’t ignoring the clawing at his chest that told him that things were not going to be okay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> oh wow a break up fic! how controversial. never been done before. especially not by me.


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